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Writing and Journals by XxCyBeRgOtHxX


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Submitted on
May 21, 2013
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It is really insomnia
If you're keeping me awake?
Is it the infatuation
That made me start to shake?
Is it so peculiar
If you make me feel brand new?
Is it some kind of obsession
That I have with you?

I watch you when I feel lonely
Is that so wrong?
I think of you when they hurt me
So what if that's all day long?
You make me feel so happy
What if that's all I have?
Should that be taken away
Just because it sounds mad?

Because right now in real life
There's no happily ever after
When I see something I don't like
I can't just skip the chapter
Or quickly press fast forward
On a TV remote control
Real life is but a wound
And you help fill the hole

So keep me in the trance
That you put me in before
You'll be my sweet romance
I won't need anything more
Even though we haven't met
You'll be the one that I adore
And I know you're not a threat
So I can't be hurt anymore
Noun - Escapist - a person who escapes into a world of fantasy
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:icondanielhega:
Danielhega Featured By Owner Jun 5, 2013
Woooww!!!
Beautiful.
Do you read minds???
I am like this.
Reply
:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :)
Haha apparently I do ;)
:highfive:
Reply
:icongoldeneyedraven:
GoldenEyedRaven Featured By Owner May 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart::heart::heart:
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:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 27, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
:thanks:
Reply
:iconclingtome:
Clingtome Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
beautiful emotion
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:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks :)
Reply
:iconclingtome:
Clingtome Featured By Owner May 25, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
no problem :D
Reply
:iconannieohh624:
AnnieOhh624 Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I really liked this poem. It reminded me of a phase (or maybe multiple phases) I've gone through in my own life. Really, this was a great poem to read :) Kudos to you, and keep up the nice work!
Reply
:iconsovereignsin:
SovereignSin Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Student Writer
Hi there! This is a critique on behalf of #PoeticalCondition.

Overall, I'd say this piece conveys the intended emotions well. If anything, certain instances of word choice make it weaker, but not at all ineffective.

Of course, these are all opinions. Feel free to disregard them as you see fit.

"Real life is but a wound" sounds too... forced. Both instances of "real life," I feel, could use a change. I say that because, as an outsider, I have absolutely no reference for what constitutes "real life" for you. Is the non-"real life" a virtual one? A spiritual one? A metaphysical one? "Real" in both contexts has no meaning, because I don't know, as your reader, what the other life is. That seems unfair to the rest of your work, which is clear and well-defined.

The "that" in "That you put me in before" is unnecessary. You could remove it, unless you were worried about timing. It doesn't serve a purpose in that line.

And last, "So I can't get hurt anymore." Get is just a bad word. I'm not sure how else to say it, and believe me when I say I'm not intending that as a dig at you as a writer. That's a dig at the word "get."

It's weak in the meaning it conveys, and when it's pronounced, it sounds like a dog coughing. "Get" is just a bad word. Your work deserves better. :P

"So I can't BE hurt anymore."
"So I can't hurt myself anymore."

Literally anything in that spot is better than "get."

As I said, your writing is lovely and vivid. "Get" doesn't belong with the rest of it.

Thank you so much for submitting this. It was a pleasure to read!
Reply
:iconxzye:
xzye Featured By Owner May 22, 2013
Thank you for such a wonderful piece <3
Reply
:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you for appreciating it :heart:
Reply
:iconhygroskopika:
Hygroskopika Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
While reading, I thought of it as a love poem , but the world of fantasy fits as well :)
Reply
:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
I guess it's sort of both a love and fantasy poem, as it's do with a celebrity obsession as well as escapism :XD:
Reply
:iconhygroskopika:
Hygroskopika Featured By Owner May 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I totally and fully agree! :rofl:
Reply
:icontrinitysage:
TrinitySage Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh wow!! I really liked this!! Plus it all rhymed! Well done!!
Reply
:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you! :)
Reply
:iconmichel-le-fou:
Michel-le-fou Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Professional Writer
Review for #poeticalcondition.
A few points in process. First, i like that you begin with a question, albeit your tone is a bit sarcastic, but i like that style too. That you maintained this attitude was very interesting.
The second is that so far as i can feel, the rhyme and the meter categorical of traditional verse is evident. You can put this into free verse later, if you fel like it, and it should still be a good read. Well-done!
Reply
:iconmyrethy:
Myrethy Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This describes me to a T. The fantasy world is my shield and my guardian, even though I have amazing family and friends, sometimes it's just easier to let my mind protect me.
:thumbsup: Instant fav.
Reply
:iconzereverefano:
Zereverefano Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
that's what I was going to say...
Reply
:iconmyrethy:
Myrethy Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Really? Hmm, that's interesting....
Reply
:iconlimebubblez:
LimeBubblez Featured By Owner May 21, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I love this :la:
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:iconlady---vengeance:
Lady---Vengeance Featured By Owner May 22, 2013  Hobbyist Photographer
Thank you :)
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